We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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