Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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