instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
