Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
