I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
