Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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