im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You may now shotgun with the bride
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
