It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So many bounce houses so little time
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
