have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
