i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
