Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
this just has baby written all over it
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
