If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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