you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
