me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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