You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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