Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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