It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
