How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
