your room smells of hookers.
And success
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
