So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
