i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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