2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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