You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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