someone threw a dead crab at me
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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