I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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