That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
