Where are you?
In a non slutty way
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
