I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
