pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
