whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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