ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
How naked do you want me to be?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
