I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
