ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
