why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
please come you make the beer taste better
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
