I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
