She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
