Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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