Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
