My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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