Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
