2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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