we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
