This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
