I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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