Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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