Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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