Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
