She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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