First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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