I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
