I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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