he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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