too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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