I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
