Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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